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No male face can truly be considered stylish this season without a smattering of hair around the jawline. But which celebrity beard is right for you?

The Hollywood beard

Right this second you are a nobody in LA if you don't have a beard. At the post-Oscars bash the Governor's Ball, the beard's dominance was plain for all to see. There was Jeff Bridges flaunting his winning silver goatee, while the Hurt Locker table was home to all manner of beards. Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, has one, as does Mo'Nique's husband, Sidney Hicks. James Cameron must be kicking himself – if he'd only grown some stubble at least, the academy might have been kinder to him. This particular Hollywood beard is meant to convey status and career security. It isn't very cool – it's a bit wrong even but it doesn't matter because it says that one's work counts more than a clean shave. The real-life parallel is thus: a company director can sport one, but the humble postroom boy cannot.

The off-season beard

Such is the cult status of Jon Hamm's beard that New York magazine honoured it with its very own obituary when he shaved it off in late January. Hamm's beard is rumoured to appear the split second he stops being Don Draper – he reportedly has to shave twice a day on the Mad Men set. Yes, he's that manly. Not to be outdone, the rest of the cast followed suit and grew beards between filming different seasons. The off-season beard isn't restricted to Equity members – it's there on the cheeks of the city worker who has been made redundant, and the fortysomething who is taking a sabbatical. Even a two-week summer holiday is enough to bring on an off-season beard.

The crisis beard

AKA the scandal beard. You're an actor or a sportsman, you've had an affair, you go into hiding, you grow a beard. It's the male facial equivalent of the pashmina – it literally wraps your chin in a protective manner. Jude Law is the past master of this, and recently Ashley Cole's mum was rumoured to have become increasingly worried about her son's emotional state because of the beard he grew in Biarritz. It says: "I'm in pieces; too shattered mentally and physically even to lift a razor." If a friend grows a straggly beard, give him a hug and ask what's worrying him.

The charity beard

If you're committed to a cause, you have to grow a beard. The Hope for Haiti Now charity telethon underlined this unspoken decree. Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin Timberlake, Chris Martin and of course Brad Pitt – all of them felt that they couldn't ask for a donation without sporting at least some facial hair. Beards are earnest, you see; they suggest that you are too interested in the plight of humanity to give any thought to shaving. In Pitt's case, his commitment to the straggly Ho Chi Minh model (and sometime plaiting of it) has been to the detriment of his sex-symbol status; meanwhile, speculation that the beard was the root cause of the ongoing Brangelina saga is rife. If someone you know grows one, be generous to their Just Giving website and hope the worthiness passes.

The mid-life crisis beard

In Ronan Keating's world, nothing underlines his journey from boy-band pop star to authentic thirtysomething muso better than his carefully tended beard. But a quick scan of his topless cover shoot for Attitude magazine this month suggests there is another impetus to Keating's facial-hair growth. At just 33 Keating is entering an early mid-life crisis phase. How else to explain his over buffed up body and his desire to show it off? The beard is doubtless part of this. If your partner buys a beard trimmer and starts working out, it's time to start worrying.

The testosterone beard

As exemplified by Russell Brand. The fact that the Ancient Greeks regarded a beard as a sign of virility won't be unknown to Brand, who is clearly desperate to convey his masculinity. Now that he's engaged to Katy Perry there is no way he could shave it off because it would be tantamount to saying that monogamy means less sex for him. Plus it would reveal his baby face. In civilian life, the testosterone beard can often be spotted on a man who is balding or who doesn't have much chest hair. Its purpose is clear – it says simply: "I am a red-blooded man."

Master barber Michael Symeon explains how to cultivate facial hair in the style of historical figures

The red carpet at Sunday's film awards was a game of two hemlines

It was all go on Sunday afternoon in London's Covent Garden. On one side of the piazza, at the Royal Opera House, final preparations were being made for the Bafta awards ceremony while, around the corner, various London fashion week shows were taking place.

Sensibly, the British Fashion Council had teamed up with the Baftas for a ridiculously glamorous cocktail party on the first day of fashion week, to introduce actors to the designers who are showcasing their autumn/winter collections in the capital. And, whether as a direct result or not, it was pleasing to see so many British labels being championed on the Bafta red carpet on Sunday night, from heavy-hitters Stella ­McCartney and Burberry – the ­latter shows again in London this afternoon – to newer names, such as Erdem.

Naturally, there were Alexander ­McQueen tributes (pregnant Sam Taylor-Wood wore a lace number from 2007; Jaime Winstone went three years further back for an on-trend nude number), but the biggest fashion story of the night was undoubtedly ­gown-length.

Following in the stilettoes of ­Julia Roberts and Marion Cotillard, who wore knee-length styles to the Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild awards respectively, the shorter hemline gave longer lengths a real run for their money at this year's Baftas. It is highly unlikely that this fancy for short dresses will carry over to the Oscars, where full-on floor-length always dominates. Which is a shame; as last night showed, a mix of lengths makes for a more eye-catching red-carpet experience.

Romola Garai

You've just got to love a girl with a bun. Atonement star Garai's choice of a contemporary floral-print, on-the-knee dress by Erdem was winningly classical and youthful. The designer, a favourite of both Sarah Brown and Samantha Cameron, is one of London fashion week's biggest draws – he showed his autumn/winter 2010 collection yesterday. The only problem with this outfit is the shoes: black is a bit too hefty.

Saoirse Ronan

This custom-made, white ruffled dress by Burberry is stunning. Getting the balance between teenager and grownup-going-to-a-posh-work-do is no mean feat but 16-year-old Ronan, star of The Lovely Bones, put herself in good hands with Christopher Bailey and his team. The directional belt under the bust, the shower of ruffles, and her loose hair cascading on to the top of the frock create an effect that is just lovely.

Trudie Styler

Well, well, well. Who'd have thought Styler would look this sharp – and in a zippy Victoria Beckham black number too. Beckham's neat dresses are increasingly being chosen for red carpet dos. This is a pretty short skirt choice, but the covered top and opaque tights keep a ladylike balance.

Audrey Tautou

Despite being nominated for playing Coco Chanel, Tautou chose a hot pink ruched affair by a different chic Parisian label, Lanvin. Not only is it refreshing to see a jolt of colour, but the shape is interesting – one shoulder on, one off – and the clashing red accessories are a modern addition. A slash of red lip continues this theme, and her hair looks cute and elegant.

Kristen Stewart

White Chanel couture should not be accessorised with moodiness, but that appears to be Stewart's default look. It may work in the Twilight films (Stewart won the Rising Star award), but not on the red carpet. At least she didn't slap on any bottled tan – her pale skin works with this dress – and that slightly pushed-back hair is a successful nod to the 90s revival.

Carey Mulligan

Not only did she bag the best actress gong for An Education, but her blond crop is officially the finest short haircut on a woman since Ghost-era Demi Moore. This floral dress by French label Vionnet is both pretty and directional – two notions that do not usually co-exist on the red carpet. The balance of the dress's double-length alongside the ribbon belt and fashiony YSL peep-toe heels is a triumph of modernity.

Kate Winslet

Wow. Sleek, sexy and simple, this black Stella McCartney number with its lace inserts, thigh-high split and no-fuss approach was one of the best of the night. Classy Kate also came remarkably close to stealing Mulligan's best-shade-of-blond crown, with her do that looked just the right side of ­
not-too-done-but-there-was-definitely-a-hairdresser-involved.

Kristin Scott Thomas

Even in safe black, KST looks sophisticated but with the kind of edge that only a few stars, Julianne Moore for example, ever perfect. This Louis Vuitton dress took 60 hours to craft – when you look at the bodice, embroidered with Swarowski stones, silk bows and black beads, that timeframe starts to make sense. The fur cape looks better carried like a pet, than on the shoulder.

Bonnie Wright

This neutral column dress by Prada is absolutely on the right side of boring. The Harry Potter actor is a bit English Rose, but this dress's racy plunging front and curved shoulders show she can rock a fashion look. The jewel-embellished clutch is a nice piece to pose with, plus her up do and subtle earrings keep things simple, polished and cool.

Claire Danes

This silk Burberry gown in a metallic hue slots into this season's trend for neutrals. It's the type of dress you can expect the Oscars to be rammed to the rafters with, so good work on getting in first, Miss Danes. The top half of the dress is particularly beautiful, the draping and ruching is flattering and the no-fussy-accessories approach works well.

Uma Thurman

Here's a woman who knows how to do sex bomb with class: how radiantly gorgeous did she look in her lace, custom-made Burberry? Presenting Vanessa Redgrave with her fellowship award, the 6ft-something Kill Bill actor was the epitome of old-school Hollywood glamour with this floor-length, swishing golden gown.

And as for the men . . .

Mickey Rourke

Oh Mickey, what would awards ceremonies be without you? Shiny grey suit with snooker player-style waistcoat underneath and no shirt – repeat, no shirt – all set off by his own take on a top-knot. Oh, and a priceless slapstick teleprompter moment to boot.

Robert Pattinson

What happened to Pattinson's usually amazing hair – had there been a malfunction with a pot of wax? Wild hair is a major part of the Twilight star's sex factor, so this flattened look was troubling. Best male hair of the evening was a clean sweep by Tom Ford's ensemble cast of Colin Firth, Nicholas Hoult and Matthew Goode.

Guy Pearce

A severe shaved head made the former Neighbours star barely recognisable, but he looked super-sleek in a custom-tailored Burberry tux, dress shirt and swish shoes. Pearce, who appears in The Hurt Locker, finished his look with a pair of fabulous – think modern nerd – frames, although perhaps he should have lent them to Rourke.

As David Beckham reveals his latest hairstyle in Cape Town, we journey back in time and take a look at his most controversial coiffures

There are three role models for men's hair this season

For those who are truly serious about their hair's current state of affairs, there are just three men whose dos should concern you now: Dominic Cooper, Robert Pattinson and Ben Whishaw.

Excitement has grown over Pattinson's locks ever since the first Twilight film screened last year. In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, his signature, sensationally "undone" hairstyle is central to Bruce Weber's pictures; rarely has an Aran knit sweater looked so well accessorised. Recently, the actor advised how to get his hair's look: don't brush your hair for 10 years. If you don't want to wait that long, try sleeping in a beanie.

Ben Whishaw's Keats look in Bright Star, meanwhile, is shaggily long – reminiscent of Alex Turner before he grew those corkscrew curls – with artfully dishevelled wisps and a bit of a fringe. In some scenes, it's charmingly pushed to one side. But the overall aim is to look like as if your hair is permanently between cuts. 

Dominic Cooper's barnet is the opposite. In An Education it was brushed down, cut neat and swept to the side. In this month's Vogue, trimmed by celebrity hairdresser Luke Hersheson, it's shorn short at the sides, high on the top; almost like a modern flat-top, which, as you can see looks much better than it sounds.

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If I had some top-lip topiary on the go, I would be aiming for the "Dude" moustache, seen in a vintage brochure now on display at an exhibition of shopping catalogues at the Guildhall Library in London. Facial hair is newsworthy. At Martin Margiela male models wore taches and beards; at Junya Watanabe the bristles were neatly clipped.

The selection of fancy dress beauties from London department store Gamages dates from 1917 but even so are a little on-trend. OK, so fashion-savvy chaps may swerve The "Butler Mutton Chops" for resembling earmuffs, and let us not start on the so-called "Tramps Beard" - though at least the sketched model has managed to find a tie, which is always nice isn't it?

But fancy dress facial hair options in modern times are dull in comparison: naff pirates, hippies and non-scary devils. Not a single dude in sight. We have much to learn.

Each year in the UK we waste £320m on razors alone, so surely it's time jaw warmers came back into fashion?

He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man.

So said Beatrice in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing and, as a long-term sporter of a full chin's worth of facial fluff (and occasional wearer of a highly dubious "mo" for for charity), I can but agree. According to social psychologists, beards also convey a sense of authority, masculinity, strength and sincerity and once the Romans started shaving them off they quickly became associated with non-conformity.

So is it any wonder that growing one might be considered the height of Frucool – that is being both frugal and cool?

Now I know what you're thinking. In following my previous foray extolling the virtues of local beer with a missive about beards, this whole Frucool blog series is merely a ploy to make hairy real ale fans trendy. What next you ask? The Frucool socks and sandals combo? But when you look at what we spend each year on removing the follicular sproutings from our faces – £320m a year in the UK on razors alone – you start to realise there's a Frucool rationale for nursing a jaw warmer into life.

Beards have swung wildly in and out of fashion over the years. Ancient Greeks were nothing without their whiskers (eight out of 10 Ionians said their cats preferred them), and the Spartans actually used to punish criminals by shaving off parts of their beards. This was probably to make them look ridiculous or more effeminate. Or like Noel Edmonds. Which would be punishment enough for all but the most heinous crimes. Conversely, Tsar Peter the Great introduced a beard tax in 1705 in an attempt to encourage Russian men to smarten up and move with the rest of Europe from fuzzy-framed chops towards a fleshier faced freedom.

But the real death knell for the popular beard was the unholy alliance between the mass marketing manipulators of the advertising industry and the razor blade manufacturers. Ever since planting the first seeds of insecure doubt around the effect your bushy bristles might have on the opposite sex, the sharp practices of the Mad Men have been seducing us with ever closer shaves. These must by now be removing thin slivers of our faces in the process.

Following the Mach 3 (three times closer!), Quattro (four blades!) and now Fusion (five blades! Missed opportunity here for use of the name "Quintessence"), we must be approaching the limit of how many cutting surfaces you can jam on to the head of a disposable plastic razor.

Apart from the expensive throwaway cutting equipment though, shaving also involves a panoply of lotions, ointments, foams and gels for before, during and after you've taken the blade to your skin.

Apart from the economic and environmental cost of all the aerosols and packaging involved, the irony is that softening your stubble with warm water and then lubricating your skin with a little olive oil is probably just as effective as all the pricey potions they splurge so much marketing budget on convincing us to buy (one leading company in the UK plans to spend £35m over the next four years alone). Shaving foam is arguably more useful as a visual guide to which bits of your face you've already scraped, rather than for any friction reducing properties it might provide.

Admittedly, current high-profile public beards in the media don't necessarily convey a particularly Frucool image. The bewildering blundering of both Joaquin Phoenix and David Bellamy, in their services to rap music and climate change activism respectively, aren't exactly role model material. But that shouldn't stop us at least considering abandoning the expense and environmental impact of shaving for a bit and indulging ourselves in a bit of ruminative furry chin-stroking.

I'll leave the final words on Frucool facial hair to the psychologist Robert Pellegrini. His investigations into public perceptions of hirsute men found that

the male beard communicates an heroic image of the independent, sturdy, and resourceful pioneer, ready, willing and able to do manly things. In conclusion, it may very well be true that inside every clean-shaven man there is a beard screaming to be let out. If so, the results [of this work] provide a strong rationale for indulging that demand.

• Ed Gillespie is a director at communications agency Futerra and has travelled the world without planes for his Slow Traveller series

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